


Chaos and Order

by Demetria_0620



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Author is too drunk and high on sugar, Crack Crossover, Crack crack crackiness, I hope you find this crackiness as funny as I thought it was, M/M, Romantic Comedy, Romantic Soulmates, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, The Author Regrets Nothing, This is my crack ship dug up from my shame basement
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-12
Updated: 2018-03-12
Packaged: 2019-03-30 12:33:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13951629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Demetria_0620/pseuds/Demetria_0620
Summary: In the world with multiple types of soul-marks, it seemed like the romance gods hated him when Barry remained as the only single young person in Team Flash.Cisco totally bet that he would have a batshit crazy soulmate.Cisco was right.





	1. Chaos meets Order

**Author's Note:**

> This is cracky AF. A crack fic of my shame ship that I locked deep in my shameful basement and now is written to public because I'm drunk and high on sugar-rush. Un-betaed but I may come back to proofread it. Warning for crackiness and OOCness. Read at your own risk. You have been warned.

Soul-mark sucks.

At least for the one and only golden-hearted hero, Barry Allen, a.k.a. the Flash.

You see, in this messed up universe where the gods were apparently obsessive fangirls that match and ship the mere mortals and staked their 'canon' ships via the fucked soul-mark, Barry Allen didn't have much luck in love. No, despite his instant abs, adorable puppy eyes and his willingness to protect people (even the criminals who he has arrested and lusted for his blood), he didn't have the god's favour when it comes to his romantic life.

Soul-mark is a part of life stages. It appeared when a child first hit puberty and may or may not changed depending on the development of the child themselves. By the time you're eighteen, most people have a permanent soul-mark that would only change if they themselves change their personality or preference. The soul-mark was never consistent.

It. Was. NEVER. Consistent.

Some pair has their first words to each other randomly tattooed to each other. Like Iris and Eddie, whom each has a matching soul-mark tattoo of their very awkwardly romantic first words too each other on their wrists. They wore their soul-mark like a fancy couple bracelets and were not hesitant to show it to the world. It was cute and kinda sweet.

But Barry hated it.

Yeah, he was salty AF here, but he was convinced that he and Iris were going to be destined to be together and then boom, puberty hit, and they didn't even have the same type of soul-marks.

Fuck the romance gods.

Some pairs have some sort of crest that combined their unique symbols. Like Caitlin and Ronnie—whose soul-marks just so happened to predict their eventual meta-mutation. It was what that made family crest as a thing, even in this futuristic modern world. Because like Caitlin and Ronnie's soul crest, the combined symbol of fire and ice was way too cool to NOT be made into family crest.

You know what? Barry was going to say it again. Fuck the romance gods.

Some pairs have a very symbolic mark that matched their soulmates unique identity. You know, like the infamously-public-with-their-marks Captain Cold and Heatwave. Those sons of bitches wore their soul marks like ownership marks, showcasing the awesome mark of their respective soulmates—frozen fractals that contrasted Heatwave's tanned burnt skin and sapphire flame that licked down Cold's neck to his back.

Fuck the romance gods to the power of fourteen.

Barry hated the criminals' soul-marks so much because his own was the same type as theirs too. Only that his soul-mark was not symbolic nor awesome-looking. Nope. His soul-mark looked like it was drawn by a toddler, using cheap crayons and apparently what Barry could deduced as a terrible sense of humour. He didn't even know what it was supposed to resemble—because the cartoonish drawing was not making any sense at all. It looked like some sort of really badly-drawn Spiderman, with quirky perverted eyes, holding a sign with bold capital letters that spelt 'MINE'. Don't even ask him what the hearts around the sign meant.

Yep. That horrid soul-mark, right on his butt cheek.

What the actual fuck.

"I have seen your soul-mark, you know….?" Cisco chirped, slurping noisily on his Slurpee. "Your soulmate seemed like a funny guy. Probably crazy, but funny."

At that moment, Barry simply huffed and rolled his eyes, convinced that he was going to be single forever.

And oh boy….was Cisco right.

* * *

So, apparently soul-marks worked throughout the multiverse.

Barry watched silently as Wally kissed Jesse, the twin bolts symbol circling their left ring fingers were in Barry's direct line of sight as they brought their intertwined fingers up. Barry felt heat risen to his head as the weight of his depression dragged him down. Nope. He was okay. Definitely okay and totally not seething in jealousy at all.

It wasn't like he just came back from the speedforce, all out of his own accord because the source of his power wanted him to play a little chase game with the personification of his own speed even after he was being literally disintegrated to non-existence as an effort to defeat Zoom. He came back, expecting a warm welcome, but nooooo, everyone's attention was divided because Wally and Jesse have bonded while Barry was trapped in his temporary purgatory.

Barry kicked the air, trying to hide his annoyance and trying so hard to hide his ever-growing depression.

Being the only single young person in the building was painful.

Excluding Harry, his own Dad and Joe—the first has lost his soulmate minutes after Jesse was born, his Dad lost his soulmate the night Barry's life was changed forever, while Joe simply didn't bother looking for his own soulmate (which was a tempting idea to explore for Barry, but then Joe was divorced and not entirely happy with his romance life, and Patty did broke up with Barry, so…hey, Barry wanted to be happy, okay?)—the rest of Team Flash has already found their soulmate.

Everyone in Team Flash has found their soulmate, except for the Flash himself.

Barry wanted to cry. He wanted to vent out this frustration that has been eating his lonely heart. He was too depressed and hurt that he wouldn't give a damn if there was a sudden emergency and he has to be pulled back from this celebration that was supposedly to celebrate to his return to the living.

Then, the alarm rang, and Barry was in his suit in a blink of eye.

"What's we up against?" he said, voice a bit too strained—and everyone seemed to finally notice his foul mood as they visibly inched further away from him.

"Multiple car collisions turned shot fires," Caitlin murmured, being the only one with the nerves of steel to remain standing next to Barry. "The assailant appears to be armed, dangerous and wearing red suit," she parroted the news anchor, frowning at the footage.

"Oh, no….Evil Barry on the loose," Cisco gasped, eyeing Barry's own red suit in horror.

Barry curled his lips, eyes scrutinizing this assailant clad in tight red suit, watching in a mix of apprehension and slight awe at the way the masked man handled the gunfight. As opposed to dash blindly into the field, Barry took a brief moment to observe the situation. Despite the blatant brutality the red-clad man displayed while shooting up the armed men, he didn't seem like a bad guy. In fact, the masked man seemed like he was shielding someone, using his own body like a disposable shield.

"Wait!" Barry called out. "Zoom in," he instructed to Caitlin, who only raised an eyebrow at him as she did so.

"Oh, no," Iris gasped, and all gazes immediately landed on Barry. "Barry."

Barry was gone before she could even say his name.

Barry arrived at the scene in matters of seconds and didn't even skid to a halt when he grabbed the two children the masked man was trying to shield. He briefly heard the yell of the man, along with the enraged yell of a very dangerous looking woman as he ran back to Starlabs, placed the kids on the floor next to his team before running back to the scene.

He skidded to a halt right when the masked red-clad man turned one of the previously shot down man to a shish kebab.

Man…he was so not eating any kebab in the near future.

"FLASH!" the angry woman screamed, curling her fists and all of sudden, her battle glove disintegrated to metal bullets that flew straight to him.

Barry saw things in slow-motion, but he found himself to be frozen in a mix of shock and disbelief, unable to move, when the red assailant threw himself to protect Barry. Warm blood splashed to his face as the masked man being impaled by the bullets and collapsed right at Barry's feet.

Barry heard the sirens of the police cars, felt the ripples of heat from Ronnie's fire and the statics from Wally and Jesse.

Back-up has arrived.

But Barry didn't feel anything. Not relief. Not anything. Nothing.

"Shit," the woman cursed, curling her fists again to recall her metals and successfully ripped the man's innards out and sliced his body to half. "I'm going to retrieve those kids from you, Flash!"

And she retreated, literally running away from the scene.

Barry should've chased after her. It should be easy. His speed would allow him to have her locked up in the pipeline in literal seconds.

But he didn't.

He let her escaped, because the flare of pain that spread from his chest to every inch of his body told him that he has far more important thing to address. He was feeling another's pain. The pain only lasted for a few short moments, but it did feel like his innards were ripped out before it vanished. Barry now was numb all over.

Did he…did he just feel his soulmate died?

For that brief moments, he felt the bleed of his bond. When the blood splashed to his face, he felt the connection—the feeling of finding something that he has been separated from for a long time. It was unmistakable. This unknown red-clad masked man was his soulmate.

And he died.

His soulmate _died_.

Fuck the romance gods to the deepest pit of hell.

There was a gentle touch to his shoulder, and Barry gasped, not realising that he has been hyperventilating so badly that even the reporter nearby has whipped out her phone to call for ambulance for the Flash.

"Barry, I'm sorry," Ronnie murmured sympathetically. The man must have noticed the look of pain on Barry's masked face.

Or he simply saw the tears that were wetting Barry's face.

"God," Barry gasped, ignoring the confused police officers and the curious yet worried live reporter as he shrugged Ronnie's hand off so that he could kneel beside the top half of his soulmate. "I don't even have the chance to know you…," he flat-out whimpered, cradling the torn torso tight and buried his face to the crook of his soulmate's neck.

No one seemed to know what to do. How do you comfort your hero when the guy just lost his soulmate in front of his eyes? Firestorm, Kid Flash and Jesse Quick hesitated, exchanging worried looks, honestly clueless of their next course of action.

Then, Jesse suddenly screamed.

In the same time, Barry felt two very big palms squeezing his ass.

"Weee, this bubble butt is ours."

Shocked and reasonably terrified, Barry retreated, holding the torso an arm length from him, but unable to create much distance because those strong hands were firmly grabbing on his butt. He stared in a mix of relief and disbelief at the mask, surprised at how expressive it was. The white of the eyes crinkled happily, and Barry could almost see his soulmate's smile even though the man still has his mask on.

The mask looked very similar to the cartoonish drawing of his own soul-mark.

It was the weirdest time for Barry to make sense of his strange soul-mark.

"Legs, legs, I need my legs," the soulmate hummed, hands finally letting go of Barry's ass as they flailed around trying to reach to its bottom half.

That was the moment Barry noticed that his soulmate has been sliced to half, has his internal organs ripped out and still have the ability to grope him.

"How?" Barry blurted out, blinking in disbelief when his soulmate reattached himself to the legs like it was a perfectly normal thing to do.

His question remained unanswered because his soulmate immediately engulfed him into a tight smothering hug the moment he was attached back to his legs. Barry felt the connection again—the overwhelming happiness and the feeling of completion bled out to him and he couldn't help but laugh too, wiping the tears away from his eyes.

"Soulmate~!" his soulmate cheered, nuzzling his masked cheek to Barry's own.

"Soulmate," Barry agreed, huffing breathlessly when he again was smothered with masked kisses.

Someone cleared their throat, and Barry felt blood rushed to his cheeks, painting his skin the lighter hue of his suit as he turned around and blinked sheepishly at their audience—his soulmate clung to him like an overly affectionate koala on steroids. He blushed even deeper when his soulmate squeezed his ass again, and there was an extra jolt of warmth when the big palms brushed over the spot of his soul-mark—the mark was acknowledging its owner, and Barry felt that it was so unfair because he wanted to do the same too, to know where his mark was tattooed on his soulmate's body.

"Well, I guess that my lightning tramp stamp made sense now," his soulmate commented, and Barry watched in awe when the white fabric that cover his soulmate's eyes seemed to narrow towards the emblem on his chest.

"I have a doodle of your face on my butt," Barry blurted out, and instantly regretted it when his soulmate looked up, those white eyes widened in what Barry assumed was pleased shock.

Why oh why his mouth made this even more embarrassing.

"Sweet," his soulmate hummed, squeezing Barry's ass again as if he wanted to make sure. He chuckled when Barry yelped in shock. "Name is Pool, baby boy~ Deadpool."

Barry raised an eyebrow at the very ominous name, and he was a bit disappointed when he wasn't even given his soulmate's real name.

Deadpool must have felt his disappointment through their bleed, because almost the next instance, the bigger man cradled Barry to his chest, cooing soothingly at him and as ridiculous as it was, Barry couldn't help but giggled. The man then neared his face to Barry's ear, so close that Barry could feel his hot breath against his cheek.

"Wade Wilson, at your service, baby boy."

Barry's grin was blinding as he whispered back;

"Barry Allen."

**THE END**


	2. Extra crackiness!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just little snippets of their eventual life for the hilarious crackiness.

**Extra! (BECAUSE CRACK FIC NEEDS TO BE CRACKIER)  
**

"So, you're from another Earth," Cisco said, pointing his lollipop to their latest addition. "And these kids are aliens?"

"Yep," Deadpool chirped, still clinging to Barry like an overmuscled koala bear.

"And you're not a hero back in your Earth?" Caitlin asked, cocking an amused brow towards Barry who seemed to have given up from shrugging Deadpool off his shoulders.

"Ew. I'm a mercenary. You know…Bad guy that fucked up worst guy as a living? Heroes are lameass teacher's pet," the masked mercenary denied, before he backtracked and nuzzled to Barry's cheek apologetically. "No offense, boo."

"None taken," Barry sighed, grinning sheepishly at his team.

Deadpool was strangely clingy and possessive over him and it was both comforting and embarrassing in the same time.

"I win," Cisco announced, pumping his arms to the air as he shot expecting look at the rest of the team.

Barry watched in disbelief when every member of Team Flash—even his own dad—reluctantly handed the Latino scientist a sum of cash.

"Excuse me?"

"Oh, I bet on your soulmate to be _at least_ a batshit crazy criminal…since you're so heroic and all...," the scientist then made a brief gesture towards the clingy mercenary. "He matches all the criteria."

Barry hated his friends.

* * *

"You're going to feel what I feel, Flash…."

Barry felt horror embraced him when Zoom hissed those words with Wade gasping helplessly in the evil speedster's hold. No. Not again. No, please. He has watched Wade died once. He couldn't watch Wade being killed again—not at Zoom's hand.

"Zoom, please—"

"Bear, Barry?" Wade cooed, still maintaining his loving tone. "It's okay, babe. I'm fine."

Barry shook his head, feeling the horrified tears pricked at his eyes.

His scream was a deafening silence when Zoom chose that exact moment to thrust his hand through Wade's chest.

"Feel my pain, Flash…Let the hate consumes you!"

Barry watched in muted horror when Zoom discarded Wade's body to the ground. His heart felt like it has jumped to his throat, making it hard for him to swallow, and he would've broken to a complete mental breakdown there if he didn't feel the soothing aura that bled from his soul-connection—wait.

Did he forgot something important? Why would he feel the bleed when Wade was supposedly to die—

"Headshot~"

Wade chose that moment to fire a shot to Zoom's forehead before he bounced to his feet, stabbing his katana into Zoom's body in one swift move before he sliced the black-clad speedsters to half.

Barry watched in disbelief as his soulmate made a celebratory dance, before the insane mercenary proceeded to kick Zoom's busted head.

"That…," Wade giggled, kicking Zoom's busted head, "…is for making my baby boy cry."

Cue his maniac laughter.

Barry facepalmed.

* * *

"Wade, for the last time, I do not condone killing—"

He was cut off with three gunshots and a happy cheer.

"Have a safe trip to hell, bitch," Wade clapped his hands happily, bouncing on his feet.

Barry was gaping in horror. "WHY DID YOU DO THAT?

"Bitch deserves to die."

"But—we have a metahuman prison for this kind of criminals!"

"Consider it financial strategy then," Wade hummed, skipping happily to his horrified soulmate. "Now we can cut one expense for an inmate. Maybe then we can finally have an actual movie crossover if we could save some budget."

"But, that's wrong…wait, what? Crossover?"

"You know, I'd love to meet you in canon."

"Wade, what the fuck?" Barry frowned, honestly confused. "Did you shoot your head again? Or are your boxes arguing again?" he guessed, a bit worried, because when the voices in Wade's head argued with each other, his soulmate would often be dazed and vulnerable to attack.

Not like that Wade could die, but Barry was still worried whenever his soulmate was fatally injured.

Barry wanted to be mad at Wade, but something in their soulmate connection stopped him from doing so. He felt a strange emotion from their connected bond, something that invoked a paternal protectiveness from Barry himself—the feeling grew stronger when Wade pulled the trigger on Amunet Black.

Though, before he could ask, there was a sudden breeze and both of him and Wade were suddenly squished into a tight group hug.

Barry looked down, his eyes softened at the young children that he has adopted since the past few months. Kara and Clark—apparently both of them were aliens from another planet that were captured and tortured by Amunet as she planned to mellow them down before she sold them to highest bidder. The kids have nowhere to go, and Wade was being overly protective of them, saying that these kids were so kind to him when he first learned that he was stranded on this Earth.

Considering that Barry's loft has extra rooms, he decided to adopt both kids.

Wade has given him a smothering wet kiss for that.

"Thank you, Daddy-pool," Kara giggled, squeezing Wade a bit tighter.

"Bitch ain't going to hunt you anymore, sweetie," Wade murmured, Deadpool's strangely expressive mask softened as he buried his face into Kara's hair. "She's not going to hurt you anymore."

Barry internally whimpered—his anger was completely smothered.

"But your Dad is mad at me because I broke my promise to not kill—"

His whiny rant was silenced when Barry swiped his gun and shot another bullet through Amunet's busted skull.

Deadpool's mask was undeniably shocked and scandalized.

"Beary-boo?"

Barry gave him a grim smile, cradling little Clark tighter to his chest.

"This is the ONLY exception."

Wade pulled him close for a smothering masked kiss while the kids giggled against their squished chests.

"Love it when I ruin the innocence of Central's golden boy~"

He squeezed Barry's ass once, making Barry to flush as red as his own suit.

"Daddy, ewwww!"

**THE REAL THE END**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Annndd that is the end of the crackfic. Hope you get a couple of laughs out of this. See you whenever I updated my other stories~!


End file.
